- My dad's truck (well, what use to be his) sits outside our house now waiting for an almost-licensed driver to get a job.
- My daughter has the scent of my mom due to her one squirt regimen of White Diamonds (and that's not even what my mom wears).
- Our laundry even smells like Mom and Dad's house because I went out and bought the same detergent and fabric softener.
I can't tell if I'm making progress or taking many steps back.
At least I haven't talked about moving once in the last three weeks.
And I've stopped hounding old friends for information to help me feel connected.
It's almost as if I am in some kind of grieving process, as crazy as that sounds. I suppose I'm thinking that once I get to the other side of this, I'll find that peace.
Or at least a job.
It's been eighteen months since I last had a steady paycheck.
And thirty-nine months since we moved.
Not that I keep track or anything like that.
- But I sure like looking out the door and seeing my dad's truck in the driveway.
- If I close my eyes and just breathe, it's like my mom walking through the house in the morning instead of my girl.
- And the smell of the laundry is just like being back home.
Whatever it takes to me get me through to the other side.
Because the other side has got to be there.
And that is where I need to be.
2 comments:
Isn't it funny the things that jog your memory? Cliff's sister Charlene was 8 when we married; she spent a lot of time at our house. To this day, she buys Zest bath soap because the smell takes her back to when she was going to sleep on our couch, listening to me and Cliff giggling and talking in the bedroom.
My dad's truck is sitting in my driveway too. He passed away a year and a half ago and my husband's working on the truck to sell to a friend. I like coming home and seeing that truck--his political bumper stickers. When he first bought the truck it had mudflaps with shiny silver girl silhouettes. My Mom said "aren't you going to take those off?" and he said "Nah, I'm gonna polish 'em." We all laugh about it still. But he did take them off eventually.
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