Mail-Order Husbands

I feel like I have lost an entire week to a serious case of un-motivation. Zero ambition. Massive drop in the energy level. Enormous case of the uncaring blues. I could blame it on a minor little infection I was battling. Or the medicine I was taking that made me tired. It was that time of the month. Maybe I'm just missing the kids. Could be the weather. Or the lack of a vehicle. Money woes? Possibly.

Wow. Now that I think of it, maybe it wasn't all in my head.
This is why it helps me to write things out.
Which brings me to another issue I've been thinking about.

Should a blog be public or private? Do I put too much information on here? I don't mean my emotions and feelings and opinions about my pretty ordinary, everyday life. I mean like personal information stuff. I certainly don't want my picture or my daughter's or for that matter my brother's to end up on some foreign matchmaking, mail-order bride/husband delivery sheet.

Which poses another question.
Is there such a thing as a mail-order husband?
Not that I have one for sale or anything.

I wouldn't know how much to charge for him anyway. He's pretty handy.

This techno world amazes, confuses, and scares me all at the same time. I've spent a good week as it is researching new cell phones for an upgrade. We don't do the smartphone thing (although I'm starting to think I would seriously consider a little more monthly debt to experience one) and a non-smartphone with a decent plan is coming harder and harder to come by. I found a pretty cool one, though, complete with a phone tracker device (all kids should look away at this point).

As a parent, I love that.
As a kid, I would cry unfair!
Is there anywhere we can hide?

My husband wishes he could have been alive two hundred years ago. I'm not so sure. Although I get pretty stressed out sometimes by this modern world, I have a washing machine that is at this very moment doing all the hard work for me. I'm good with that. In fact,  I think the hum of that motor is a beautiful sound. A good friend of mine just bought a brand-spanking new Camaro. Riding in that thing beats the dust and heat of a covered wagon on a rutted-out dirt road any day.

Not that I would know by experience.
But I'd wager it's a pretty good guess.
Modernization isn't all bad.

Let me know your thoughts on the whole public vs. private blog thing anyway. Or your opinion on facebook and other social networks. You can even tell me what you think of people who text at the dinnertable. Just don't tell me I should wash my clothes by hand in the creek.

I don't think we would agree on that one.

What A 109 Weight Loss Looks Like

Not the usual title for Tony's whole weight loss journey story, but fitting enough. He took the time to send me a picture last night so I thought I'd take the time to share my good looking brother. Well, technically I can't share him (the wife would not like that, you understand).

Not too shabby, huh?
For a brother, that is. =)

My Provider

Sometimes I can be in the middle of the most ordinary tasks when the Lord catches my attention. Today it was in the midst of picking up and sorting through clothes and shoes and newspapers on my side of the bedroom floor (I've got the corner wall that is a notorious random-stuff collector).

I listen to internet radio most days. I like the variety that pops up and the few-and-far-between commercials to deal with. This song followed Total Eclipse of the Heart that was preceded by the likes of Redneck Woman and You Give Love A Bad Name. I'm not sure what would have followed it because as far as I was concerned, the music time was over.

Last night, we could not even rent a movie for lack of funds. This morning, I was able to go to the doctor and get a prescription filled thanks to the early deposit of my husband's paycheck. The movie was not needed. The doctor visit was. I guess I was just reminded of His perfect timing. I don't know that we'll ever have more than we need, but we always have just what we need when we need it.

(And I've spent time with prosperity preachers and their teaching, so save your wisdom there. It means nothing to me to see pastors and their assistants and their assistant's assistants drive around in foreign models and vacation in exotic places while the rest of the financially-strapped congregation struggles to keep the church lights on and feed orphan children).

But we won't go there.

I'm not against riches. I would like to try it. In fact, I've always wanted to be a main character in a John Grisham novel. It's typically a rags-to-riches story where the main guy earns his ka-billions through less than ethical standards. He gets to play hard, spend most of it, get caught, and still escape to the Caribbean where he has even more millions stashed away in Grand Cayman. Not that I support illegal tax evasion, mind you, but I do support every person's chance to live the high life at least for a short time (and not at the expense of credit card debt).

Anyway, I have once again veered off the path I had originally intended. I was reminded through that earlier song that God is always there. My husband and I had the most in-depth conversation the other night on the front porch (the one where I was tempted to shoot a fly with a .38). We were looking back on the last (almost) four years and how the Lord has been at every turn we have made. Even if it was the wrong turn, He was there to turn us around to get us back on the right track. Our house sold when it shouldn't have, we found a house that we loved that nobody else wanted... even with the whole job loss thing for me, I've been available for the kids when we've had no one else to fall back on. I could go on, but a look through all the entries of this blog will more than enough support the theory (no, the belief) that we serve a God who cares and loves and saves. And by the way, I learned all that from my Grandma Faye.

She would love all the talking I do about her.
I can see her smiling just as plain as day.
And for the record, she would agree with me on the prosperity thing.
Just thought I'd throw that in.

P.S. If you liked that video, look up this Joplin version.
No matter where I live, I'll always be a Missouri girl.

Keep That .38 Locked Away

I have come to the conclusion that I spend more time by myself than I do with actual people (cat not included). I wonder if that means in the next season off my life I will be surrounded by people and begging for alone time. One thing if for certain (and I'm sorry I've repeated this many times before)... things are not quite what I expected. Take, for instance, the fact that I am sitting outside at eight o'clock at night in what has to be still close to a hundred degrees and swimming in humidity. I don't care. I've been inside air-conditioned air all day. I need to see life.

By the way, did you know that most cars that drive by my house are silver? Black probably follows close behind, but silver definitely takes the prize.

It's cloudy. Thunder teases me with rain and a few sprinkles even play the part well, but I seriously doubt rain is in the future. It's hot. I'm sweaty (sorry for the picture), but I just don't care. My husband is working hard, the kids are entertaining a new kitten nine hundred miles away, and I sit here thinking about what might have been. Not a good state of mind, I understand, it's just that sometimes I re-visit these things. I like going there although I know I can never stay. Things are what they are. God has a plan. I went to Walmart earlier in a car that has no a/c. My van is in the shop that will hopefully leave on Friday or Saturday providing we can pay the bill. Oh, we'll pay it. We always do. We're never behind on anything (give or take a few days). Life marches on.

And these cicadas are really loud. I'm half tempted to pull out the .38 just to liven things up. I won't, but it makes me chuckle just thinking about it. It might silence everything for a split second (not counting the ringing in my ears), but those insects and birds and squirrels would pick up right where they left off. No sense disrupting their night for my brief moment of entertainment. I guess every now and then we all have nights like this. Things will liven up once the husband gets home. Things will really liven up once the kids get home. Things will probably seem out of control once I have a job again. Yep. I know. Enjoy the extreme boredom, no one to talk to or listen to while I can.

I wonder if I could hit this fly with that .38. Nah... I would just have to explain the hole in the front porch then. I don't need that.

God does indeed have a plan.

Where Does Money Grow?

Good Morning, youngest child of mine.
See? You miss me so much you've been reading my blog.
I knew I'd get you hooked sooner or later. 

And yes, I'm sure you'll have a comeback for that. Can't wait to hear it.

My husband commented last night how much he is enjoying this time with just the two of us. Sure, we miss the kids and they do make up most of our conversation topics, but I do understand where he's coming from. When we were married over eighteen years ago, we really didn't know each other that well. Making a decision to get married after a month's worth of dating does not give the other person a chance to really get to know you. We knew all the good stuff, but that's about it. Then the first year was spent preparing for the first child and by the fifth year, we had completed our family of five and that was that.

Cheap diapers and plastic bottles and squeaky toys.
Big-kid pants and juice boxes and toy boxes.
Baggy jeans and soda cans and electronics everywhere.

So yes, we have enjoyed this time together. What makes it so relaxing also is knowing right where those kids are. They couldn't ask for better grandparents and just knowing that they are all together... well, let me put it this way: we were out eating the other night when a horrendous storm blew in out of nowhere. As we sat helplessly watching trees bend and lightning seemingly strike everywhere, I looked at my husband and said, Well, the timing would be perfect. If anything were to happen to us, those kids are right where they need to be.

Morbid? Maybe, but we always worry about the what ifs in life. It was good to know that for that moment, all was well. Don't get me wrong, I know God would work everything out no matter if all five of us were scattered in five different directions, but I'm thinking you'll get my point. It really has been a relaxing few weeks.

Now can my mom say the same thing? I certainly hope so. I wonder if having those three teenagers in her house with hot showers going, hair dryers blowing, and refrigerator doors opening makes her breathe a sigh of relief that her days raising kids full time is over. Then again, I almost doubt it. Knowing her, she's probably treasuring every moment of it. My dad? Well, hopefully he's able to get past the sharp spike in the utility bill. One thing is for sure, I finally understand the term Money doesn't grow on trees.  He has taught me well.

Some Beach

Our van is in the transmission shop again. As we were trying to maneuver for a parking space in the morning downtown traffic, a white Jeep Cherokee whipped right in and stole the spot we were in the process of backing into. I seriously thought I was about to see that sorry sap go down from the wrath of my husband. Lucky for him, we had places to go and people to see. No time for police reports and bail bondsmen.

Not a great way to start a Monday.

The weekend was pretty good, though. I spent some time with a friend who just happen to win some concert tickets from a local radio station. Needless to say, I am now on the search for some cowboy boots and the right pair of jeans. Of course, my search is limited to the local thrift stores, but I've been known to find just the right bargains there before. If that doesn't work out, well... the temps are well over 100 here this week so flip-flops and capris would not be the end of the world. The fun part will just be in the going anyway.

Speaking of going, I've got a bed to make and dishes to wash.

When A Father Isn't A Father

As I sit here and think about Father's Day and how awesome my dad is and all that goes with that, I think about another man and how much I know he dreads Father's Day or Mother's Day or any kind of Think-About-Your-Parents Day. I think about how hard it has been and sometimes still is for him to think of God as a heavenly, loving father when his own father beat him as a child and now curses him as an adult. I think about the man who wants nothing more than his parents to be proud of him only to have them disown him and turn away him, his wife, and his children. I think about how cruel people can be.

And it makes me look at Father's Day in a whole new light.

I'm thankful for a dad who never snatched me from my bed by my throat.
I'm thankful for a dad who never repeatedly kicked me in the ribs.
I'm thankful for a dad who never raised a fist to me in anger.
I'm thankful for a dad who never kicked me out of the house.

I'm thankful my dad worked even when he didn't want to.
I'm thankful my dad provided food for my family to eat.
I'm thankful my dad always made me feel wanted.
I'm thankful my dad just said no to drugs.

I'm sure my dad would say that he's not perfect, which is a good thing... I'm far from it. Thank goodness perfection is not required for parenthood. What is required (I think) is a soft voice, a firm hand, words that encourage, and a full cookie jar. My own voice can get too loud and we don't even bother with a cookie jar any more (cookies don't last around here anyway), but every way I know to parent I learned from my mom and dad.

And my childhood was good.
I wish my husband could say the same.
Thank God for fathers that act like fathers.

Happy Father's Day to my dad, the best a girl could ask for.
Happy Father's Day to my husband, the best this girl could hope for.

I am surrounded by miracles.

Free Movies Gives Me More Money For Tacos

Today I have watched a (free) library movie.
Read my schoolwork. Thought about the questions.
Watched another (free) library movie.
Parented through the webcam.
Fielded questions from our dental office.
Talked to a nice insurance lady.
Listened to annoying music while on hold with the nice insurance lady.
And made the finance person at our dental office a very happy camper.

Somewhere I have a sign that use to hang on the classroom wall nearest my desk.
It says something like

Lack of planning on your part

does not constitute an emergency

on my part.

Amen and amen.

Think I'll go read a book.

And have that taco for supper.

My Fingernails Are Dirty

How a girl like me who absolutely hates anything that crawls could like playing in the dirt, I have no idea. I guess there's just something therapeutic about pulling out the dead and planting the new. I like to think that's how life is.

I know there's been many (many) times where I just have not got it right. I've been on the right track only to take an unnecessary detour and have found myself at many dead ends. All that turning around has been a definite waste of time.

I can't grow the prettiest things. Most times I can't get anything to grow at all in this sand we have around here. I learned a while back to skip the ground and stick to pots. There's more control in the little areas. Again, that's kind of like my life.

I got the nicest compliment from one of my professors this morning. She was asking me if she could use some of my work for future reference. How cool is that? I sat out on the porch and told the Lord that one day I would be using my own work in my own classroom again.

I think He smiled.
He's pulling out the dead and replanting the new.
And that makes it all worthwhile.

Tony's Journey: Volume Seven (Over 100 Pounds Lost)

When I first started this whole series about my brother and his journey through an elective weight loss surgery, I really didn't know how long it would go on. Even now, I still don't. It's not that I get tired of hearing about it (and you have the choice whether you read it or not)... it's just that as time goes by his life is getting back to what I would call normal. He is doing extremely well, I think, and I believe he would agree. If this is a new topic for you, your best bet would be just to click on the gastric sleeve bypass link under Specific Topics (you'll find that on the left of this page). If you know of anyone who has had this surgery or if you're thinking about it yourself, Tony's been pretty upfront about all the ups and downs of the whole process. It's definitely worth the read.

As usual, here's an update in his own words.


May 16, 2011

OHHH SO CLOSE, I weighed in at 301 that makes 90 pounds so far, I am knocking on the door of 2 of my goals. 1. to get under 300 and 2. was to loose 100 pounds in 90 days. The 21st of May will be 90 days since surgrey, I was hoping to weigh 291 on that day. I had to put another notch in my belt that is 3 new notches now. LOL.


May 20, 2011

Today is a good day even with all the storms. I weighed in at 299, finally made it under 300 pounds. 8 pounds away from losing 100 pounds.


May 21, 2011

Well today has been 90 days since my gastric sleeve bypass surgery, I weighed in this morning at 297, that is 94 pounds down from 391, only 6 more pounds to hit the 100 pound mark. Then my next goal will be to weigh in at 225, that will be a total of 166 lost. I am hoping for this to happen by the mid to end of Sept. of this year, only 72 more pounds to go.


May 30, 2011 

May 30th is an important day, Don't forget to thank a VET and tell them thank you for putting it on the line, so you could sleep peaceful at night.

I still think back to my time I spent on the other side of this big blue marble we live on. I seen some things and done some things that I don't care to share and probably never will. But I am glad I had a chance to do my part. I was proud to be a soldier and I am proud of our troops that do the grind day in and day out. THANK YOU TO ALL THAT HAVE SERVED AND TO THE ONES THAT ARE SERVING AT THIS TIME.

WHOOO HOOO, I made the 100 pound mark. I weighed in at 291 today. Only 66 more pounds to meet my goal of 225. The crazy doctor wants me to get to 170. I think that is tooooooooooo light. LOL. I might go to 200 but we will cross that road when I get there. Oh I have also had to move my belt in 6 inches, it has alot of new holes in it.

Thank you to everyone that has been following my up's and down with this weight loss. It is nice to share it with you all. Judy tells me all the time that I am looking good, but sometimes I think she just says stuff so she can go gambling. LOL Just kidding on that part.


June 12, 2011

UPDATE on the weight loss, 285 is what I weighed in at today, that is 106 pounds lost. not too far from my goal of 225. I think I am getting to where I can't have milk. Last 2 times I tried to eat cereal I yak it up once and felt really ILL on the second one. Other than that I have pretty much done really well. Oh, and I have moved my belt in 7 inch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was looking for a recent picture to upload, but couldn't find a good one where a fish is not blocking his face. Haha. He has been doing a lot more stuff lately including fishing, working his shop, and babysitting his granddaughter. All in all, I would say life is pretty sweet for him at the moment.

And if you're a frequent visitor to this blog, your eyes are not messing with you. I've been tweaking some things a bit with a new layout and trying to find the best way for easy reading. There's a new feature added to the left that will allow you to follow blog updates via email. I think you just type in your email address, submit it, and presto! It's kinda like delivering me straight to your inbox. (Creepy vibes, I'm sure).

You see what's going on, right?

I've got this extra free time from what once was an overloaded school schedule to what is now a quiet house.

I might as well have a little fun while I can.

Mustang Fever

Normally I hide out on facebook and only peek around the corner once in a while to see if my mom is around. On Day Three of the kids being gone, however, I'm standing in plain sight in case one of them is missing their mom and hoping beyond hope that she'll magically pop up on facebook chat.

And if you are a non-facebooker, I realize how utterly confusing this whole scenario could be.

At any rate, I've got to chat with the girl today (although she was already chatting with five other people and me popping into her online world caused mass confusion); I've commented back and forth a few times with one boy (even though he never responded to my last comment on his comment that has left me wondering if my most recent comment was comment-worthy); and I've not heard a peep from the other boy (even though I've called out to him on his wall).

They must be having a good time without their mother.

Is it bad to say that we've had a good weekend as well? You all know I'm crazy about my kids so there's no need to defend that stand on parenting, but I must say that all is well here. Oh, the house is quiet and I've got no one to wash the dishes in the sink or take out the trash or feed the dog. But I've also had no one to answer to, which is kinda nice.

What? Kids keeping tabs on their parents? Who would've thought.

We stayed out late last night (11:45 pm) and sat up even later (2:00 am). I did some shopping with a friend and as luck would have it, that same friend was test-driving some new cars. I rode shot-gun in a brand-spanking new Mustang (off the showroom floor) and a brand-spanking new Camaro (off the hot asphalt). Everytime I was asked Do you need to get home? the answer was the same Nope. got no one to get home to.

Is it wrong for the wives to be out playing while the husbands work?

Anyway, the friendship and conversation was nice and much appreciated. At times like that I remember that I actually do have a name besides MOM. And yes, this is where the sad sigh comes in because we all know how much I love that name. I took some clean socks into my girl's room and shut the door with a heavy sigh. I put clean sheets in the boys' room and closed that door also with an even heavier sigh. Even the cat looks at me with questioning eyes.

What happened to those kids?

Oh, kitty, enjoy the quiet while it is here. We all know it won't last long. By the time they get back, we'll be getting ready for a new school year and new headaches and new rounds of drama. For now, those kids are enjoying shopping with their granny and race tracks with their pa. For a short time, they get to backtrack to the small town life that has shaped who they are, even if they think they are big city kids now. For a short time, they get to be spoiled like grandchildren should. And I can leave and stay out all day if I want. Except the husband still generates dirty clothes and the cat still leaves fur balls behind.

A mom's work is never done.

To My Kids

Good Morning!

Will you read this?
How are you doing?
Did you sleep well?

See?
It's just as if you were here and I'm asking you questions first thing in the morning.

I am sitting in a very quiet house looking at the cat looking at me. He is not happy because I won't take him out on the front porch (can you say spoiled??). Your dad has already left the house to doing his usual Saturday, workman stuff and I am thinking about this very messy house that I need to clean and the schoolwork I need to do.

We're just rolling in excitement here.

I thought of you all during that long trip yesterday. In my mind, I could see each city you were passing through and every river you crossed. I hope you all took the time to see the sights and enjoy the beauty this country has to offer (sappy, I know, but oh-so-true). We've been on that drive so many times, I think we all have it memorized by now.

To the oldest, we've been bragging about your license and your first solo drive.
For the middle, you never cease to entertain us and make us proud. 
And to our youngest, your growing beauty is making your dad very nervous. =)

These really are some of the best times of your life.
Have fun at your granny and pa's. Help out all you can.
You'll be home soon enough to hear me complain about your rooms.

You are loved.

Cleaning Takes A Vacation

I've been on a picture kick the last few days so I thought, Why stop now? Granted, this one is not nearly as entertaining as the one from yesterday, but it's hard to find greatness two days in a row. Needless to say, as the Visit From The Parents continues, we are having a wonderful time and it seems as if the days are flying by. Today was just suppose to be a sit-at-home-and-do-laundry-day, but when I thought about my mom being there and about all the times I wish she was around to go places with me... well, I can sit around and do laundry by myself any day. So I took her (and the rest of the family) to one of the neatest downtowns I know. We wandered in and out of air-conditioned stores dodging upper ninety-degree heat and when she decided we should stop and rest, we rested. While everyone else had ice-cream cones, I thought about how nice it was to have family around.

I have no idea what we're doing tomorrow.
I really need to vacuum, but hey...
I can do that anytime.

My Kitchen Table

I was just thinking that out of all the things in my house, our dining room table is what I like best. If you look close enough, you can pick out all kinds of problems. The tablecloth is wrinkled (but clean); the chairs are a little scratched up (kids, you know); and the cushions are definitely stained (a whole lot of eating). But when I was sitting there tonight looking around at my family (parents included!)... well, I just realized how much I love that table. Not so much the table, I know, but what it represents.

Conversations about life.
Enough food to eat.
Somebody else to clean up.

I know I can sometimes get pretty self-absorbed pretty darn quick. I know I can sometimes find things to complain about when there is no reason to complain. I know at most times I can be my own worst enemy. For some reason, that table above puts everything in perspective for me. Whether it's family or friends sharing a meal, it's a good reminder of everything I have.

Oh, I know next week I might be singing a different song. My mom won't be standing at my sink washing dishes. My dad won't be sitting on my front porch in a rocking chair. We'll be back to cell phone calls and internet chat and the occasional webcam conversation; but with Day Three of their visit coming up tomorrow, I can tell you that we are enjoying every minute of it.

Boy, oh boy. I could question a thousand times of why we are where we are.
That is one question, though, I no longer expect an answer to.
Even I get tired of asking. I'm finally okay with that.

But sitting around the table tonight? Well, that's one memory I will go back to time and time again. I'll just file it away with the others. If I close my eyes tight, I can still see my grandma sitting at that same table. Lots of good memories there. My daughter said to me the other day that she would like to have our front porch swing some day. I can understand that. Her daddy made that swing just for me. In fact, if you lift it up and peer underneath, you'll find our names carved there with a heart. That swing is made of special stuff, let me tell you.

I hope she finds the beauty of the dining room table, too. She might snarl her nose at the scratches and stains now, but I believe one day she'll look back on these days with a smile in her heart and a tear in her eye. She might even have to fight her brothers for it. I'm doing everything I can to drill into those kids the importance of the whole gathering together thing. Sometimes it's all you've got.

Even with the wrinkles and scratches and stains.
Kinda like life, isn't it?

Hello World!

To fully understand the path my brain is on right now, you really should back up

 and read (or re-read) the post  I've got linked below.

Maybe then you'll get where I'm coming from. =)

You know, I really don't have a problem admitting when I'm wrong. Sometimes the things I dread the most are the things I end up loving the most. Take, for instance, this post I wrote approximately eight weeks ago. I really thought my free time was over and a season of torture had begun. In one way, I was right. My free time was over. I really did return the book about Laura Bush, I haven't visited with Mitch Rapp since then, and Kathie Lee and Hoda just haven't fit into my schedule.

The season of torture, though? Well, I may have been wrong on that one. Russian history just may have found a place in my heart right next to American history. I really think I've fallen in love with that mysterious, great, and oh-so-troubled land. The textbook that I wanted to toss out the window is now well-worn and ear-marked and covered with pink and purple highlights. I really think I learned something. I can't wait to teach somebody something.

Go figure.

And now my academic pace slows down a bit. I'm going from three to four papers a week to just one or two. I do believe I'm on the downhill slide. The next time I'm at the library, I'm gonna see if I can find Laura on a shelf; if not, I can always find Mitch Rapp on my nook no matter what time of day or night (and believe me, Vince Flynn is an author I don't mind paying for... we've all got our favorites). Heck, I might even visit Kathie Lee and Hoda once or twice a week.

The point is, I think I found my free time again.
Yep, I'm laughing right along with you.
We all know that anything free won't last for long.

Fantastic Friday

Today my world is full of cleaning and writing and laundry and writing and cleaning some more. My husband is taking off work early so he can fix our car in one-hundred degree heat and do some painting and maybe take a nap. The kids are sleeping in on their first official day of summer vacation and then they will clean and sweep and vacuum and clean some more.

This particular Friday is FANTASTIC.
My parents are coming!

Psalm 37:4

As another school year winds down, I sit back and think about who our kids are and what they have accomplished. This marked their second year of public school and although they are not where I thought they would be, they are exactly where they should be. I couldn't ask for anything else.

The oldest.

Good at what he does.

Wizard at techno-stuff.

Patient. Smart. Hardworking.

The middle.

Good at what he does.

Wizard at gaming stuff.

Compassionate. Smart. Funny.

The youngest.

Good at what she does.

Wizard at academic stuff.

Considerate. Smart. Organized.



As a little girl, I would dream of my husband and envision my children.
Some days you just know when you've got it good.
Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.