Embarrassment. Noun. A feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness.
Often times I will look up definitions of a word to see if that is really the word that I want to use. Years ago I had the privilege of sharing adjoining classrooms with a lady whom I respectfully referred to as my human dictionary (and she knows who she is). Anytime I wasn't sure how to pronounce a word or had a question to the meaning of a word, she was my go-to-girl (first grade teachers are awesome like that). At any rate, in the wee hours of this Wednesday morning, I was in bed staring at a ceiling and thinking about the word embarrassment.
And now here I am. No sense lying in bed when a person can be up writing.
Yesterday I unwittingly found myself caught up in the midst of something that reminded me of an audition for a high school (no, middle school) drama class. I ended up embarrassed, fighting back tears (which didn't work, by the way), and wanting to fall into the proverbial hole in the ground. Escaping to the place that all grown women know to escape to, I was washing my hands at the bathroom sink and took one backward glance at the mirror on my way out the door.
And there it was. A long, piece of toilet paper stuck to my pants.
Why am I telling you this? To make you laugh, I guess. It certainly made me laugh. All I could think was that on top of everything else that had just happened, that would have topped it all. My mind flashed back to a moment in junior high when that very same thing occurred and, unfortunately, I didn't know about it until some merciful girl caved to pity and pulled me aside in the hallway. As I stood yesterday in the bathroom with just me, the Lord, and my reflection in the mirror revealing that tag-along-paper, I thought about the girl I was all those years ago and the woman I am now.
I was unsure of a lot of things then. I'm unsure of a lot of things now.
But at least I've got the good sense to check the mirror before I walk out the door.
May you have that good sense as well. =)
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
The Importance Of Letting Your Kids Know What's Going On (And A Plea To The Government To Turn The Lights On)
Long title, I know. Sometimes I just cannot make up my mind.
Last night the husband woke me up in the wee hours of the morning. After about fifteen minutes of debating the pros and cons of staying at home or going to the hospital, we chose life (somewhat exaggeration) and headed to the emergency room. I wondered aloud if we should wake the kids and tell them what was going on. Keeping in mind that our three are in their mid-to-late teens, with one on the verge of escaping the teenage years, he said to let them sleep. As we went out the front door and I climbed behind the steering wheel, I once again said, "I think I'll run back in and tell [the oldest]." With a face distorted by extreme pain, he shook his head no and simply said, "Drive now. Text later." And so we went.
Downtown is confusing enough to me in the daytime. Drape it with the cloak of night, and it becomes extremely confusing to this former one-stoplight-town kind of girl. The homeless wander in bigger numbers and the curbs- especially the curbs by the local hospitals, become crammed with people who, for whatever reason, have no place to lay their head (or choose not to). Add to the mix a government facility that is evidently saving money by shutting the lights off at night, and you have an one frustrated woman and one hurting man. By the time we located the dimly lit emergency room doors of the VA, that woman was on the verge of tears and that man could barely walk.
And somewhere in the midst of all that my phone rang.
It turns out at least one child heard the front door open and shut while another child heard the muffled groans of their dad. Not knowing what was going on, they woke up the other child and quickly discussed the possibility that something had happened to their parents. Now, you can blame their thinking on television or movies or the nightly local news, but the three of them put into action a plan that the husband has drilled into them in case they are ever in any doubt of their safety or those around them. I won't go into the details because then I might have to endure a lecture pertaining to the concept of a need-to-know-basis, but it goes without saying that he has prepared us all in the event of any unwelcome trouble in our home. I'm not saying it's a perfect plan, but it is a plan.
So anyway. The phone rang with a voice of panic on the other end. I assured them that we were all right, with the exception of their dad who was in the process of being whisked away in a wheelchair. I, in turn, received a brief lecture by at least two out of three kids informing me of the importance of letting them know what was going on. I couldn't have agreed more.
In the end, the husband was taken care of and the kids proved that they have paid attention to everything their dad has taught them and brainstormed some practical suggestions of their own to add. As he was falling into his drug-induced sleep, I told him that very thing.
"Good kids," he said. "We have good kids."
Amen to that.
Psst... it was kidney stones, in case you were wondering.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
And Today's Forecast Is...
Rain.
Imagine that.
The weather always makes for fascinating (?) conversations, does it not?
Extreme heat; severe drought. Record cold and record snow. Tornadoes. Hurricanes. Dust storms.
Rain.
I cannot remember the last day when we did not have rain at our house. It's come to be expected, like the daily afternoon coffee that I know I will enjoy (even at this moment, as a matter of fact). But enjoy the rain? Not so much anymore.
Oh, it has its advantages:
The weather is cooler. The grass is greener. The flowers and the trees are thriving.
It also has its disadvantages: weeds, mosquitoes, washed out yards and driveways and roads.
Swollen lakes. Flooded homes. Water moccasins and alligators and other creatures of the river on the move.
Consider this combination of the good and the bad: I'm sitting outside on a front porch that faces the west on a mid-July afternoon because the weather is cool. This has not been known to happen since we acquired the property in 2007. At the same time, I am fighting mosquitoes while the rain drips off a metal roof. The air is humid. The cats are lazy.
Is that a gnat in my coffee?
And so it goes. Next year we may very well experience the typical dry, hot summer and long for the wet days of 2013. The weather can be a fickle beast.
Much like my old man cat.
Some things just are expected.
Imagine that.
The weather always makes for fascinating (?) conversations, does it not?
Extreme heat; severe drought. Record cold and record snow. Tornadoes. Hurricanes. Dust storms.
Rain.
I cannot remember the last day when we did not have rain at our house. It's come to be expected, like the daily afternoon coffee that I know I will enjoy (even at this moment, as a matter of fact). But enjoy the rain? Not so much anymore.
Oh, it has its advantages:
The weather is cooler. The grass is greener. The flowers and the trees are thriving.
It also has its disadvantages: weeds, mosquitoes, washed out yards and driveways and roads.
Swollen lakes. Flooded homes. Water moccasins and alligators and other creatures of the river on the move.
Consider this combination of the good and the bad: I'm sitting outside on a front porch that faces the west on a mid-July afternoon because the weather is cool. This has not been known to happen since we acquired the property in 2007. At the same time, I am fighting mosquitoes while the rain drips off a metal roof. The air is humid. The cats are lazy.
Is that a gnat in my coffee?
And so it goes. Next year we may very well experience the typical dry, hot summer and long for the wet days of 2013. The weather can be a fickle beast.
Much like my old man cat.
Some things just are expected.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Wet Cats & Country Music
We are the home for two cats.
Two very, MAD cats at the moment.
I would take a picture, but out of respect for their self-esteem (do cats have such I thing?), I will refrain. Let's face it, nobody looks pretty coming straight out of a bath... especially a cat.
That daughter of mine is a trooper. She jumped right in and gave the first one, the old and clawless one, a Dawn-infused soapy bath without too much excitement. For cat number two, the younger one with claws, she sported a long-sleeved shirt at the advice of her older brother and fearlessly battled the flying suds for the one she loves.
And once again I cannot help but wonder,
How in the world did we end up with animals in the house?
Summer marches on our house. In our neck of the woods, it's been nothing but rain every day. The sun will shine for brief moments and if you're lucky, you might catch a glimpse of blue sky before the clouds close in. Our grass has never been so green. Seriously. That's the plus side of our rain-soaked forecast. The down side? It's almost impossible to get that green grass mowed. Oh, and if your job happens to involved the outdoors, like the husband's... well, that just throws another curve into the already curvy road of life and bills.Typically at this juncture of July I would be complaining about the heat.
I know. Some people are just never happy, huh?
Speaking of bills and never being happy, I'm thinking of taking my education to the next level. I figure I've got student loans that aren't going anywhere anytime soon, the rates (for new loans) just shot up anyway, and hey, who knows what might be around the next corner. I keep thinking there's got to be something more.
Which makes me think of a song that brings me to this video.
Two very, MAD cats at the moment.
I would take a picture, but out of respect for their self-esteem (do cats have such I thing?), I will refrain. Let's face it, nobody looks pretty coming straight out of a bath... especially a cat.
That daughter of mine is a trooper. She jumped right in and gave the first one, the old and clawless one, a Dawn-infused soapy bath without too much excitement. For cat number two, the younger one with claws, she sported a long-sleeved shirt at the advice of her older brother and fearlessly battled the flying suds for the one she loves.
And once again I cannot help but wonder,
How in the world did we end up with animals in the house?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Summer marches on our house. In our neck of the woods, it's been nothing but rain every day. The sun will shine for brief moments and if you're lucky, you might catch a glimpse of blue sky before the clouds close in. Our grass has never been so green. Seriously. That's the plus side of our rain-soaked forecast. The down side? It's almost impossible to get that green grass mowed. Oh, and if your job happens to involved the outdoors, like the husband's... well, that just throws another curve into the already curvy road of life and bills.Typically at this juncture of July I would be complaining about the heat.
I know. Some people are just never happy, huh?
Speaking of bills and never being happy, I'm thinking of taking my education to the next level. I figure I've got student loans that aren't going anywhere anytime soon, the rates (for new loans) just shot up anyway, and hey, who knows what might be around the next corner. I keep thinking there's got to be something more.
Which makes me think of a song that brings me to this video.
Don't worry. I have no plans of hitchhiking or running away and I am happy, but if I ever do pack a suitcase, I'm taking my mom with me.
Right, Mom? ;)
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Labor Pains
The buzzing of my phone woke me up about ten minutes ago. I was in the midst of a dream- a very good, afternoon nap kind of dream. Now I am trying to keep my eyes propped open with the help of a Starbucks (k-cup style) and the glow of this laptop.
Happy Fourth of July.
I actually went to sleep about an hour ago thinking about the Fourth and the marketing ploys of all things patriotic. I love the military. I was in the military. I believe in the military... but Independence Day is for all Americans, not just those who wear the uniform; and like Memorial Day, it's a chance to teach our children that we are not celebrating the invention of the hot dog. I look at it as a time to reflect upon the history of this great nation. A time when ordinary people- civilians and soldiers alike- stood up and fought for the dream of freedom. A time to remember how we came to be and to reflect on how far we've come. Look at it as a mother reflecting on the labor pains she endured to give birth. We've all heard those stories (and even told a few of our own) as birthdays come and go. Let's give America a chance to retell those stories.
Patrick Henry* was considered a radical during the revolutionary years and remains one of my all-time favorite men of history. He was not a soldier and by most accounts, was pretty darn lazy until he found something he was passionate about... America. His speeches prior to 1776 were considered treasonous against Great Britain, but nonetheless packed a powerful punch. Even today, in my moments of private frustration, I often find myself reciting his words:
...we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations; and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave.... Gentlemen may cry, Peace! Peace! but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!
How cool is that?
Nathan Hale is remembered for his dying words, "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." He was a teacher turned spy in 1776 and if you read the CIA's report on him (seriously), you'll see that they considered his espionage skills as "lacking."** Really? I suppose that any spy captured and killed might be considered lacking in something, but... sheesh. Let's give it up for those school teachers.
I could keep going, but I have a feeling I might have lost some of you at that remark about the military. Remember, I'm all for honoring those who serve and have served our country; I'd just also like to see equal time given to our past.
The cause. The revolution. The victory.
I'd like to see patriotism taught as something more than buying paper plates and swim trunks bearing the image of the American flag. I'm not positive how I feel about that as it is... but that's a story for another day.
As for today,
George Washington, Nathanael Greene, Thomas Paine.
Paul Revere, Ethan Allen, John Adams- the father and the son.
Benjamin Franklin, Samuel Adams, and even ole Benedict Arnold.
Hey, every good party needs somebody to talk about.
Happy Birthday, America.
*http://www.ushistory.org/declaration/related/henry.htm
http://www.history.org/almanack/life/politics/giveme.cfm
**https://www.cia.gov/news-information/featured-story-archive/2007-featured-story-archive/nathan-hale.html
Happy Fourth of July.
I actually went to sleep about an hour ago thinking about the Fourth and the marketing ploys of all things patriotic. I love the military. I was in the military. I believe in the military... but Independence Day is for all Americans, not just those who wear the uniform; and like Memorial Day, it's a chance to teach our children that we are not celebrating the invention of the hot dog. I look at it as a time to reflect upon the history of this great nation. A time when ordinary people- civilians and soldiers alike- stood up and fought for the dream of freedom. A time to remember how we came to be and to reflect on how far we've come. Look at it as a mother reflecting on the labor pains she endured to give birth. We've all heard those stories (and even told a few of our own) as birthdays come and go. Let's give America a chance to retell those stories.
Patrick Henry* was considered a radical during the revolutionary years and remains one of my all-time favorite men of history. He was not a soldier and by most accounts, was pretty darn lazy until he found something he was passionate about... America. His speeches prior to 1776 were considered treasonous against Great Britain, but nonetheless packed a powerful punch. Even today, in my moments of private frustration, I often find myself reciting his words:
...we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations; and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave.... Gentlemen may cry, Peace! Peace! but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!
How cool is that?
Nathan Hale is remembered for his dying words, "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." He was a teacher turned spy in 1776 and if you read the CIA's report on him (seriously), you'll see that they considered his espionage skills as "lacking."** Really? I suppose that any spy captured and killed might be considered lacking in something, but... sheesh. Let's give it up for those school teachers.
I could keep going, but I have a feeling I might have lost some of you at that remark about the military. Remember, I'm all for honoring those who serve and have served our country; I'd just also like to see equal time given to our past.
The cause. The revolution. The victory.
I'd like to see patriotism taught as something more than buying paper plates and swim trunks bearing the image of the American flag. I'm not positive how I feel about that as it is... but that's a story for another day.
As for today,
George Washington, Nathanael Greene, Thomas Paine.
Paul Revere, Ethan Allen, John Adams- the father and the son.
Benjamin Franklin, Samuel Adams, and even ole Benedict Arnold.
Hey, every good party needs somebody to talk about.
Happy Birthday, America.
*http://www.ushistory.org/declaration/related/henry.htm
http://www.history.org/almanack/life/politics/giveme.cfm
**https://www.cia.gov/news-information/featured-story-archive/2007-featured-story-archive/nathan-hale.html
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Watermelon Memories
In my mind there is a picture and in keeping with my usual way of doing things, it is a picture I cannot find.
Ten bucks says it's in the same place that wedding album is...
Anyway.
In that picture are three little kids sitting at a Little Tikes table. They are dressed in swim attire and sitting inside a garage as they drip and dry and eat watermelon. If I remember right, one has a leg kicked up, one is ready to take a bite, and one is just plain laughing. It's the picture I think of when I think of the Fourth of July.
As you know, holidays always make a me a bit sappy. I think of how our kids have grown and how much I miss my own family and well... it can be easy to get locked into what use to be. Thankfully, for you anyway, I'm not so far gone that I can't see the life taking place around me.
The oldest just traded his dirt bike for a boat. I don't see a lot of that boy as it is; now I'm assuming I'll see even less of him. But you know what? He's happy and healthy and free. He's a joy to watch (even if that watching forces me to stay up late some nights).
The middle is so sure of who he is... all I know to say is that there's a part of me that's jealous of that confidence. To see the change that's taken place in that boy is nothing short of miraculous- and there was nothing ever wrong to begin with- but the last year has been marvelous to watch.
The youngest. She met me at the door yesterday with a cup of coffee, a freshly baked brownie, and a smile. To someone who is drowning in the slippery slime of doubt right now (that would be me, not her), that random act of kindness completed my day and offered me hope.
Three kids. Growing up before my eyes and yet forever young in my heart.
And seeing as how I can never seem to find the pictures, that's a good thing.
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