Wrecked Plans

As I sit in my preferred spot this morning,

I smell two pies baking happily in the oven.
I hear the laundry whishing wearily in the machine.
I feel the steady warmth from the fire before me.

And I fight back the tears.

This week has not gone how I planned. For a month (or better), I planned. I gave notice, worked ahead of the game, dotted all my i's and crossed all the t's. Everything was in place for a much-needed trip home and yet, here I sit. It's been hard not to be ungrateful in a week set aside for thanksgiving.

So,

I have cleaned and decorated and, as aforementioned, am now baking.
I have once again taken up whispered conversations with the cat.
I have been in the same set of pajamas for what is now the third day.

Earlier, I surprised myself and the Lord by opening my Bible. Needless to say, for all my God has a plan talk, I have been slightly irritated with the sudden change in my plan. I was thinking that maybe there was a reason I had to stay behind... maybe something big was going to happen and I would be needed here. And yes, even as I write this I cannot help but notice my ego at play. It really is quite sad how full we humans can get with ourselves; as if something could dare happen if we are not present. We live in a world quite consumed with self-importance.

While reading in Psalms earlier, I was reminded that if I truly remember who I am, my need to understand the whys and hows of life make no sense whatsoever. It really is a waste of time. After this week has passed by, will I look back at wasted days or days well spent? I am choosing the latter. It's a struggle, that's for certain, but the last eight years of this ridiculous distance have been just that. Now that I think about it, my plan has never been the plan. I really should have learned this by now.

So, as this week of thanksgiving continues, I will check on the pies, finish the laundry (current pajamas included), keep my feet by the fire, and I will be thankful for all the resources that allow such luxuries.

Happy Thanksgiving.

The Blame Game Lands Squarely On Me

Someone's been rereading my blog.

Mom?

I haven't posted anything for a while... not much to say, I suppose. As a matter of fact, I haven't done much of anything to, as they say, expand my mind.

I blame Netflix.

Before Netflix and the smartphone, my evening consisted of books. I was never much of television watcher- antenna-only at our house, so I typically would hit the power button after the news and settle in with whatever latest book I was reading. My book collection depended on what the library had to offer and I always had a stack nearby.

Wait.

I blame the Nook.

After I purchased my first Barnes & Noble Nook, with much excitement, I might add, the library became one of those places that I use to visit. I could read entire series without any interruption via middle-of-the-night online purchases. I could carry a hundred books with me anywhere I went in the slim work-of-wonder that fit into my pocketbook. I really did read at red lights.

But then again,

The Nook was not just for reading. Through the magic of wi-fi, I could skip through the land of Facebook or read emails that never told me anything of importance or play that funky word game with the yellow tiles and letters. I could watch movies (drat that Netflix) or laugh at stupidity (youtube anyone?) and successfully whittle away hours of my life.

So it's the Wi-Fi's fault.

Well, there might be some truth to that. Before wi-fi, I was tied to a desktop if I wanted to venture anywhere on the world wide web. Sure, I might be up and down a lot, but at least I managed to get something done. Nowadays I feel like I do a lot of everything without accomplishing a thing. I play along with that "super busy" thing while growing numb to the glow from the light of LEDs.

That blasted phone.

I mean, seriously, When did the phone become a fifth limb? Yes, the thing is SMART. I have used Google Maps to direct me more than once. Shopping for bargains is a piece of cake. Bored while waiting at the dentist? Skip those "How to Care for Your Teeth" brochures and zone out in the land of Pinterest. I just can't stop there, though.

I take my phone to bed. I've been know to take it to the bathroom.

Although, now that I think about it, I remember a house we use to live in that had an actual wall phone located conveniently in the bathroom. That feature was beyond cool. I could bathe the kids while gossiping with a friend and never have to leave the room.

Yeah. That's a way to stay focused.

As I write this, I am disappointed in myself. I love to read. I hate fads.
And yet, I have given up a true love for what everyone else is doing.

I am so not impressed.

Something is going to have to change.

And it's going to start tonight with an actual BOOK.