Celebrating Dad

Recently my mom gave me a shadow box to create a keepsake for my dad. It's a really neat concept and today I ventured out to Hobby Lobby with the intentions of buying some decorative pieces to fix it up. My thinking this week has been that I would spend Father's Day creating this beautiful, sentimental box that I could display in our living room. It seemed like an ideal plan until I actually found myself in the craft store today wandering aisles and thinking about what I was doing. Looking at all that beautiful "father' stuff and thinking about what I could incorporate into the box only solidified what I was actually doing...  sealing the fact that I was trying to do something fatherly because I no longer had a father to call.

I know, I know. Depressing at the very least, right? I'm gonna be honest, though, and fully admit for all those experiencing the same thing I am enduring at the moment... Father's Day is currently at the top of my list for "All Things Sucky" right now.

(as I just lost a few readers due to my total lack-of-class use of a not-so-real word).

Look, I don't know how else to put it. This one just kind of snuck up on me. I wasn't prepared for the complete lack of preparedness I feel for this one particular Sunday in June. I want my father back. Period. I mean, I think I knew last Father's Day that time was winding down- in fact, my blog entry from this time last year (found here), leaves no question to that train of thought- but, still... it is frustrating and disheartening nonetheless. So, I find myself on that dangerously, slippery line between self-pity and self-determination.

I look at the husband as he chuckles at something he is reading online. I think about how when the kids were younger, much younger, I would help them create or decorate or buy something for their dad for Father's Day and how I haven't had to do that for quite some time. Even now, the two youngest are discussing where they are taking him to eat tomorrow. I know they have already shopped on their own and have a gift or two tucked away that he will be sure to react with genuine surprise tomorrow. The oldest, who could not make it home this weekend, has already called to talk to his dad once this week and will no doubt call again tomorrow.

And that gives me cause to celebrate.

I think about all the Father's Day(s) I did have with my dad and I can only hope that I sincerely appreciated them all. I remember a sixth grade student I had years ago who lost his father a week before Father's Day and know that I have no reason to complain. I consider the kids I know today who are not even sure where their fathers are and shake my head in bewilderment.

I may or may not work on that shadow box tomorrow. When I mentioned it to my mom earlier today, she simply said, "You'll do it when you're ready." That is one thing our family is finding out for sure as we muddle through this year of "firsts" without the man who was such a big part of our lives... everything comes in due time. There is no fixed schedule for mourning; no exact time to do anything. Rushing only complicates things and "closure" is not a door that shuts easily. My mother demonstrated this perfectly a few months ago when she cleaned what has always been known as "Dad's Room". Some things had to go, but some things remained the same.

Such a beautiful reminder of the hope we carry, We shall meet again.





Happy Father's Day to the ones who are here,
the ones who have went on, and the ones who are yet to be.

In A World Of Wi-Fi

Between trying to figure out this blasted Windows 8 and Office365, I am nearing the edge of pure madness. I do not handle change well.

Wait.

Let me rephrase that...
I do not handle unnecessary change well.

There is a difference.

I have papers to write, deadlines to meet, and a headache from all the nonsense my computer screen is throwing at me. Seriously. Can't we all just get along? I mean, I know my laptop can't hear me, but my pleas for mercy overflow nonetheless. {Sigh}. It doesn't matter. My cries fall on deaf ears, or keyboard as it would be, and I find myself wandering into the ever-comforting glow of the blog neighborhood.

Now this I understand.

The husband looks at me from time to time and smiles. Poor guy. He thinks I am working away when really I am just sitting here thinking about that stupid car commercial we watched earlier. You might have seen it. A Chevy and a Ford are compared (imagine that) with one having the wonders of wi-fi and smiling kids zoned out on tablets and smiling parents high on the silence. The flipside of this is the less fortunate having to deal with no wi-fi on the road and less than quiet kids. I suppose the message is the virtual world is a happy world.

As the commercial faded out and the gloom of the world came back on in the form of the six o'clock news, the husband made what I considered to be a very profound statement,

"I'm glad we never had any of that and our kids learned how to talk with us."

I thought about that as we sat in silence. I can remember having three little kids crammed into a vehicle and wishing beyond wishing that we had those new-fangled  DVD systems for the car. We knew others that did and they all raved about the peace and quiet such systems brought to any excursion, no matter how long or short. Once, for a brief period and for a reason I can't recall, we borrowed some kind of contraption for a road trip. I can't really say if we liked it or not... that's one of those memories that have faded along with the pitter-patter of little feet. The point is, I suppose, is that instead of logging out of life and signing into the constant glow of a computer screen, our kids ultimately had nothing better to do than to talk to us.

Sometimes loud.
Sometimes whiny.

But always real.

Today we have three young adults who, oddly enough, seem to actually enjoy conversations with us old folks. Maybe it has to do with all those books we read to them as kids. Maybe it something with all those meals we ate around a table.

Or maybe, just maybe, it's because we could never afford all that entertainment stuff and were forced to acknowledge life head on and not muffle it through the foam and cords of headphones. A stretch, I'm sure, but something to think about, I'm certain. If nothing else, it took my mind off my own reality if even for a short time.

Now,

Back to my own problems.
Your prayers are appreciated.

Image provided by keyword "Windows 8 Nightmare." Thanks, frustrated user. I can totally relate.

The Procrastination Queen

While the rest of the world discusses Bruce Jenner and other oddities of the universe, another noteworthy event took place today that would otherwise go unnoticed except for me and this marvel of a thing called blogging at my fingertips...

A scrapbook was finished.

I've never been one to boast about being an "on time" kinda girl. Slow and steady wins the race, as the saying goes. I definitely fall into that category. It's who I am. Of course, the downside of all this procrastination is that this scrapbook for the oldest was finished just in time (?) to start the one for the middle so I can try to get to the one for the youngest. Keep in mind the middle graduated last year and the youngest graduates next year.

That's 2014 and 2016, in case you're keeping track-
And puts the finish line somewhere around 2020.

At least I've got a game plan.