Controlled Chaos

I have learned much during my years of teaching, but probably the most important thing I have learned is just to slow down and enjoy the journey. Yes, there is a balance in there and it's not the easiest thing to find or maintain.

Boundaries have to exist.
Procedures must be established.
Structure can never be overrated.

But kids do not stay kids forever.

No matter the age or the classroom, teachers spend a lot of time with their students. A lot of time. During that time, we learn about their struggles and fears; we share in their triumphs and milestones; we hurt for them when they hurt. Often times, most times, all the time, we take them home with us in our hearts. More than once have students occupied my dreams.

And I am not alone.

If you know a teacher, you'll find that his or her conversations almost always revolve around their students. My family has lived each school year with me since the youngest was three years old, and that youngster is now a year and a half away from having her own classroom one day. I am excited for her and worried for her, all the same time. This journey in education is not an easy one.

We all know the stereotypes for teachers. Some people think we are terribly underpaid and for the most part, I would agree enthusiastically. Granted, as the middle will often say (at least I think he's the one), nobody really gets paid what they think they're worth. Besides, the Lord has never let me go hungry. Other people think we have too many breaks and/or too much time off and to that I would say, no, nope, and notta. Because you see, those breaks and days off aren't really days off, at least not as many as you might think. And, if I may be brutally honest here, those days and breaks are entirely necessary to the mental health of every teacher you know and most likely the reason they keep signing those contracts.

I mean, that and the kids.

To put this in perspective, Christmas Break is just a few weeks away for me and while I will most definitely be doing Christmas-y things, I will also be grading high school exams, calculating semester grades, tweaking note presentations, researching historical documentaries, checking state standards,  writing lesson plans, and writing senseless papers that correlate with overpriced courses somebody deemed necessary to maintain teacher certification. I do the same thing during the summer, minus, of course, all the days that I successfully procrastinate what needs to be done until the PANIC MONSTER rests squarely on my shoulders. It is the life of a teacher.

Back to the students, though.

They entertain me. They aggravate me. They make me laugh and on more than one occasion, have made me cry. They will never know the impact they make on my life; not just me impacting them through what is hopefully a stellar lesson. One reason that I am so excited for the youngest to embark on her own teaching career is because I want her to have those same experiences. Her life will be changed in a way she can never anticipate- even though those low days can be very hard to overcome. Like most things in life, however, the good will far outweigh the bad and those are the very memories that I personally keep tucked away close to my heart.

So back to the slowing down part.

This has not been a typical week on the second and third floors of this land we call high school. As if the upcoming Christmas Break was not enough of a distraction, I decided to put lesson plans on hold and just let the kids (aka young adults) create. I opened up my classroom during planning periods and as a result, have had plenty of company throughout the day. I've watched painters paint and crafters craft. I've heard talkers talk and laughers laugh, and yes... a few bickering sessions here and there. If I looked (or listened) to all of this with the wrong perspective- and maybe wrong isn't the right word; but there was a time this chaos would have overwhelmed me. For now, I am looking at it differently.

Controlled chaos.

A glitter-loving former teacher friend of mine from long ago would be pleased, I think. I always admired her way of enjoying her students through a glitter-infused classroom even while she gave them an excellent education. Hopefully I'm learning to find my own sense of balance. Maybe it's the kind of thing that comes with experience. After all, I have been reminding the young people in my life that come Monday, things get serious as we wrap up a semester and prepare for exams. You could almost look at that as dark days ahead.

But then again, Christmas Break is coming.








By the way, if you are a procrastinator like me, fix yourself a cup of coffee and go back to the link embedded in PANIC MONSTER above. Maybe you will be able to relate and in that way, my weirdness will seem a little less weird.

Laugh A Lot (and out loud)

With the exception of this particular day in this particular picture taken in April of this year, I have laughed more in the last two months than I have in the last two years.

There's a lesson in that, kids.

I could say so many things. For some time now, I would not say those things out of consideration for others. Now I choose not to say those things because there is no need. The older I get, the more I walk through, and the more I see around me... well, the more I am convinced that this life is seriously too short to live unhappy. Trying to explain myself, my actions, my path simply became too exhausting.

And there is just no time for that.

Even if others don't get it- even if they don't get me. What else is new? I don't get most adults, to tell the truth, so I figure it all evens out in the end. The one thing I do get is the One who has never left me, who is always one step ahead of me, who loves me recklessly. It makes no sense, and yet it makes perfect sense.

We are all created with purpose. There is a plan. I will never grow weary of saying that and I will never be convinced that it is not true. We all have a place and though seasons in life may change, His plan for us never expires. It never fades out. That plan takes us over mountains, around blind corners, down the straight stretches and, oddly enough, across detours that often turn out to be the most scenic routes.

Yes, happiness is fleeting. It is an emotion that, like opinions, can change with the wind. Choosing happiness, however, is a tangible thing. I look at it as calibrating a compass (if that is even a real thing). Setting my mind, your mind, on things above (Col. 3:2). And to be fair, I have also cried much in the last two months. Go figure that one out. I cry because I am so inadequate, and I laugh because He makes me more-than-adequate.

I suppose all that could tie in with the joy vs. happiness lesson. We'll save that for another day. For now, laugh often and not only that, laugh so others can hear. They might think you strange, but that's okay.

He is laughing right along with you.

A cheerful disposition is good for your health; and gloom and doom leave you bone-tired (Pro. 17:22).

I Have Been Waiting For You

I have not posted anything new since...

Well, I don't know. I didn't look. Most thoughts on most days, I've just been keeping to myself. Job security, you know. But, today. Today something happened that if I didn't write about and share for the whole world (or at least the small and sparse neighborhood that my blog followers reside in)-

Well, if I didn't put it out there, then that would totally be on me.

And that would not be good.

In the Bible class I teach, we have been talking about leadership and accountability and joy in the journey. Yes, they all go together; and no, I still have not a clue why the good Lord has placed me where He has chosen.

Me? Teaching a Bible class? Of impressionable high school girls?

Seriously.

But as I presented a lesson this morning, my thoughts wandered back to an event that took place earlier in the morning. An event that very much reminded me God is always with me. He is always there for me. He is always prepared for me. And the thought occurred, if I don't share that story through the gift of writing He has given me (don't laugh), then shame on me.

So this is how it went down.

I woke up to the fella of the house grumbling. Cat #1 left an unsavory sight very close to the litter box; like, right next to the litter box- but not in the litter box. Catch my drift? Cat #2, based on the color of what was left behind (totally separate incident, by the way) left another kind of an unsavory mess on our beautiful, gray couch. Evidently, it was the night of the cats and not one of them had a happy intestinal system.

The fella tackled the litter box debacle. I tackled the couch. Neither of us were happy. Good morning to us all.

I arrived to work somewhat calm. After I cleaned the couch and before I assembled the required ingredients for a presentable image (concealer, hair spray, that kind of stuff), I hit the play button on some mellow worship music and tried to settle down. I kept the same thing playing, courtesy of Bluetooth, on my drive to work. When I put the car in neutral, music still playing, I stayed motionless in my seat trying to absorb every ounce of peace before I opened the door- I teach high school, you know. Watching the clock tick away, I knew I had reached the point of no return- being on time, that is; and popped the trunk, opened the door, and began to gather my belongings.

This is where it gets interesting.

I slung my pocketbook over my shoulder, tucked a full coffee cup in the crook of my arm, held a plate full of leftovers in my hand of the same arm, and pulled my ever-so-handy-dandy pink roller bag-thing with my free hand.

Do you even get that picture?

It took me about five steps with coffee already spilling onto my beautiful pink sweater (yeah, I'm a fan of pink) to realize this was never going to work. I had too far to walk to even pretend that I had a chance in you-know-what of making this happen. I knew I would have to sacrifice something.

Pocketbook? Pink roller bag? Nope. Needed both of those to function for the day. Plate full of leftovers? Man, that was so tempting, but I knew that making that choice would come back to haunt me at 12:35 pm when the lunch bell rang.

Full cup of coffee? Specially brewed at home with my favorite creamer?

Good Lord, say it isn't so.

It was so, and with a sigh and a resolute acknowledgement of acceptance, I retraced my steps back to the car and placed my coffee inside. The thought occurred that maybe I would have to time to come back out and retrieve it before the morning bell, but the thought also occurred...

No. No way that will happen.

So I made my decision and was halfway through the parking lot when I looked up to see a smiling face and heard these six simple words:

I have been waiting for you. 

Now, I didn't hear the audible voice of God at the moment, but as the words of a sweet, smiling girl fell upon my ears, it was as if the Lord spoke to my heart saying the same thing.

I have been waiting for you.
I am prepared for you.

You have to understand that I don't often, if ever, have someone standing at the curb waiting for me. But today, there she was... waiting. My little friend who I have come to love so much surely followed the leading of the Lord when she wandered out that way looking for me.

Looking for me.

Within the space of about five minutes and hugs and words of  I miss you, I had an extra set of hands that helped me with everything from that coffee cup in my car to keeping me company along the way. You have to understand that because of logistics and such, we do not see each other that often. I will forever understand and appreciate that this was no coincidental encounter. It was an appointment and a reminder, and one I am so glad I didn't miss.

I would gladly clean up cat nonsense any day of the week or hour of the day to have that moment again.

Dedicated to my buddy and friend, SB. Thank you for the inspiration.