Do Looks Matter?

You can't judge a book by its cover. Man sees the outside, but God sees the heart. We've all heard sayings like those, but I wonder to what extent we really believe them.

Are boys with long hair automatic trouble makers? Do girls in short skirts always mean problems? Do we give labels to everyone we see?

Maybe I should lose the plural version of the pronoun we and stick to the singular version, me. I know my thoughts have changed over the last year.

I have a son who definitely has his own sense of style. Gone is the clean-cut hair style and button-up shirts. He now has hair longer than his girlfriend's and his choice of clothes mainly leans towards the many shades of black. When not in school, a chain or two typically hangs from his steel-studded belt.

There was a time that this look might have bothered me. I'm sure that I have purposely avoided kids sporting a similar style. After all, that kind of look could only mean trouble, right? When other people, though, started looking at him with raised eyebrows, I began to rethink things. And when family members began questioning my decisions as a parent, I found myself on the side of defending his look. The more I had to explain it (and I'm not even sure what it is), the more I found myself looking at my own heart.

For instance, other than the occasional teenage drama that accompanies the daily life of a high school student, he has never given us reason to question his actions. He goes to church (voluntarily, I might add) twice a week. He cares about his friends. He would defend his siblings in a heartbeat. He loves his granny and pa. He loved his grandma.

On the flip side (and for example purposes only) could be other kids that I have known. The kids that wear the look adults like and talk the talk adults expect. I've heard (some of) these same kids pray the prayer of the righteous and then cuss out a classmate at recess. I've seen (a few of) their names in the paper for drug charges. Did their short hair cuts and polo shirts keep them from trouble or simply protect them from judgmental glances while they took a walk on the wild side?

I know only time will tell for my own boy. Right now I am more concerned for him developing his own identity and walking his own path than I am about how long or short his hair may be. Sure, he wears a lot of black, but I must say he wears it well. Through the years I have always heard the same remarks from his teachers, He is comfortable in his own skin. That he is. Not a follower. Not a cookie cutter product. Just him. And I happen to be proud of that.

He has taught me to stop and think before I jump to judge someone based on how they look. Or maybe it's how others look at him that have taught me that. Whichever it is, I have grown because of it. And that can only be a good thing.

Besides, I happen to genuinely like young people. I've often wondered how a purple streak (or two) might look in my hair, but my girl has advised against it. Apparently forty is not the age to experiment with different neon colors in my hair. I'm sorry I missed the chance.