Wrecked Plans

As I sit in my preferred spot this morning,

I smell two pies baking happily in the oven.
I hear the laundry whishing wearily in the machine.
I feel the steady warmth from the fire before me.

And I fight back the tears.

This week has not gone how I planned. For a month (or better), I planned. I gave notice, worked ahead of the game, dotted all my i's and crossed all the t's. Everything was in place for a much-needed trip home and yet, here I sit. It's been hard not to be ungrateful in a week set aside for thanksgiving.

So,

I have cleaned and decorated and, as aforementioned, am now baking.
I have once again taken up whispered conversations with the cat.
I have been in the same set of pajamas for what is now the third day.

Earlier, I surprised myself and the Lord by opening my Bible. Needless to say, for all my God has a plan talk, I have been slightly irritated with the sudden change in my plan. I was thinking that maybe there was a reason I had to stay behind... maybe something big was going to happen and I would be needed here. And yes, even as I write this I cannot help but notice my ego at play. It really is quite sad how full we humans can get with ourselves; as if something could dare happen if we are not present. We live in a world quite consumed with self-importance.

While reading in Psalms earlier, I was reminded that if I truly remember who I am, my need to understand the whys and hows of life make no sense whatsoever. It really is a waste of time. After this week has passed by, will I look back at wasted days or days well spent? I am choosing the latter. It's a struggle, that's for certain, but the last eight years of this ridiculous distance have been just that. Now that I think about it, my plan has never been the plan. I really should have learned this by now.

So, as this week of thanksgiving continues, I will check on the pies, finish the laundry (current pajamas included), keep my feet by the fire, and I will be thankful for all the resources that allow such luxuries.

Happy Thanksgiving.