Changes

This week has been a reminder that things don't always stay as they should be... Tragedy happens. Young people get sick. Discouraging doctor reports are read.

And change must take place.

After going through a week with other people and their troubles on my mind, I was hit head-on with troubles of my own. I experienced a moment yesterday where other things I have heard people say and other things I have read came to life in a miserable kind of way:

I heard the words, but couldn't wrap my mind around them.

I felt numb.

It felt like they were talking about someone else.

It took a good hour and a half of functioning in the real world just to come home and have a major breakdown in front of the two youngest. Sitting on the hearth of a stone fireplace with the middle beside me and the youngest before me, the reality of the newest change in our life settled in with a resounding thud. 

I spent the rest of the day in-between tears and somewhat in a daze. I prayed, got angry, and walked away. As the sun began to set and reality refused to change, I found myself reaching out to others, determined not to continue to drown in the sea of discouragement. Sleeping soundly, I woke up to the reminder that this new day would not begin like the previous. In fact, no one day would be entirely the same. Challenges are ahead. Pain is sure to lie in wait. My longing to go home will be ever the more stronger.

And yet, for all my anger at the Lord yesterday, His Word never fails. He does not lie. HE does not change. His plan is just simply a whole lot different than mine.

Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43: 18-19

If you believe in prayer, please pray for our family. If you're not a praying person, stick with me and watch what happens. God's about to do a new thing and transform the people I love most.

I have to think that. 

I have to believe it.

It's the only way I can handle change.