Not My Plan

(This post was originally written yesterday morning and saved as a draft

 so I could have time to think... never a bad idea on my part.)

Last night I lay in bed and contemplated giving it all up. Packing it in. Enough's enough. I am tired of opportunity ringing and doors slamming shut. It seems like I catch a glimpse of something that looks promising only to get smacked in the face with the sharp sting of reality.

Such is life.

This morning I decided I needed coffee first. I cannot seriously ponder the slow demise of my dreams on zero caffeine. Now, one cup later, I am forcing myself to take stock of what I do have. I'd go down the list, but it wouldn't be anything that we all wouldn't recognize. We know we've got it good.

As for me, I'll snap out of it. My heart knows this particular ache of disappointment well. Thank God my spirit knows the promise of hope. You want to know the irony of all this? My husband is officially back on a payroll. That's right. One year and exactly one day after learning he no longer had a steady paycheck, he now does.

And you're thinking,
Is this woman ever happy?
Yeah. Even I don't get me.

Except if it helps make sense of all this nonsense, then let me say this,

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. (from Isaiah 55).

Okay. So technically I didn't say that, but you get the idea. I thought I was working it out, but once again, He proved to me that I am not the one in charge here. I suppose when you look at it that way, I am in pretty good hands. That helps ease my hurt ego.

Sheesh. One of these days I am going to learn to keep my apron on and stop chasing after jobs nine hundred miles away. Home for me will always be where my mom is, but home for my family will always be where I am. Such is the role of the mother.

I'm gonna go do some housework.
Maybe bake something. Definitely more coffee.
There is reason to celebrate. Enough gloom, right?

It never was my plan to begin with.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So that was yesterday. This is today. I was much too busy for my pity party to continue. Besides, my daughter accused me of being selfish. Whatever. I made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, and tackled laundry. The husband hugged me and said he appreciates everything I do.

Flattery is a welcome thing around here.