hmph:

A sound, usually made with a closed mouth, indicating annoyance, indignation, or sighing.*

Apparently my last post with "My Secret To Happiness" in the title hasn't done so well in the virtual world. I am somewhat of a stat watcher- my biggest fan base is overseas, go figure.** Oh well. I'm sure people are just busy with other things like laundry and work and spring weather. Besides, I tend to skim over anyone else's cure for happiness myself. As long as my mom keeps reading, I'm good.

Back to the business at hand.

Thank God The Tomb Is Empty!

Strangely enough, my house is also about to be empty. We had plans for Easter dinner, but our intended guests came down with a stomach virus of some sort. When that fell through, I graciously offered one kid the opportunity to do as he pleased today and the word spread like wildfire. I've now got two sons spending the day with the families of the girlfriends and a daughter embarking on an Easter egg hunt with a friend. That leaves me, the husband, and our good Sunday clothes. This will be the first year ever that there hasn't been a ham baking in the oven.

I think I'll let someone else do the cooking today.

My mom always told me that once the kids grew up, things would be different. They're by no means grown and out of the house (well, one pretty much does as he pleases), but things are certainly different. Some things know no age limits, though... there were three chocolate bunnies lined up and standing at attention on the mantle this morning. Every kid I saw smiled as they walked by and plucked away their prize. I don't know if that crazy big bunny will every get to retire.

Happy Easter, Everyone!


*(en.wiktionary.org/wiki/hmph)
**sarcasm; not true; an inside joke

My Secret To A Happy Life (When I'm Not Complaining, That Is)

I woke up with two, make that three thoughts in my head:

1). Good grief, it's after ten o'clock already?
2). My gosh, that felt good to sleep in.
3). Good Lord, it's Good Friday.

Look, my thoughts don't run too deep when I first wake up. All I can tell you is that I heard a lock turn on the front door, found myself stretching in the middle of an otherwise empty bed, and reached for my glasses to see the time. I didn't get up right away; I stayed put and soaked in the moment for a bit. There wasn't a whole lot of thinking going on.

I do have a lot before me today. There's a pile of laundry on the washer, a pile of laundry beside my bed, and I'm pretty sure a pile of laundry in the bathroom. I want to clean the house, polish the floors, and remove the hairball from beside the computer chair. I've got flowers waiting to be planted, a grocery list to be checked off, and a pesky fountain pump outside that needs to be fixed. Oh, and there's the two porches and swing and rocking chairs sporting that fine, yellow pollen...

So why am I still sitting here?

I'm taking in the moment, my friend.

Earlier in the week, a friend and I were talking about how people get so busy with their lives, the idea of having fun seems foreign and something they have to plan into their schedule. She was talking about the fun that happens with her family all the time... games, bowling, stuff like that. I'll admit that I'm not the best at that kind of fun, but one thing I am pretty good at is knowing how to appreciate any given moment of any given day. Some might call that laziness. I call it a very good system.

Like today. I know what this day represents to me and my faith. I don't have a Bible open before me and I don't have the highest of Christian vocabularies, but when I have to pause from typing to wipe a tear away from my eye and my heart chokes up a bit due to an emotion that I cannot describe to you... well, I don't even know what to say. Without this day, I would be a hopeless mess.

I am a sinner. I'm lousy at church attendance.
I don't read a devotion every morning.

I complain. I whine. I doubt.

But there is Someone. Someone who knows me better than myself. Someone who knows that once I peel back the cares of this world and get past the imperfections of this body, I'll find peace. Peace that could only come about because of a Man and His WILLINGNESS to take MY mess upon Himself and turn it into something beautiful.

There truly is no greater love.

So yes.

I sit and think about all I need to do.
I sit and think about all I need to know.

Only then will I get up and get busy.

It's a system, and it works well for me.

Uncertainty

I told the Lord yesterday afternoon that He was going to stretch me so far, I would surely snap. I cried while making tacos; cried while talking to the husband; cried while looking at the cats. Then I dried my eyes before the kids came in, asked the youngest to set the table, and sat down with four out of five family members.

It was the best therapy ever.

This morning I woke up thinking that although I do indeed feel a little more stretched than I did yesterday, I have not snapped. I know not what this day will bring and truth be told, I would like to hide from it and not peek out the curtains until maybe tomorrow... but thankfully I know that I'll not face the clouds alone.

Time to make the oatmeal. =)

You May Not Think This Is Pretty, But I Sure Feel Better

May I ramble on for a bit?

...and if you know me in the real-life-kind-of-way, please don't bother making a mental note to ask me tonight or tomorrow or the next day what in the world this is all about...

Just let me ramble.

~*~*~Sheesh.  I've already deleted what I thought I wanted to write at least three times.~*~*

Let me try a different tactic.

My weekend was awesome. I love rainy days and March Madness and a husband who likes to look at shoes. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know much about this modern world or pop culture or what irks nineteen-year old boys, but I do know what I like (emphasis on the I).

And maybe I just now understood what it is I want to write.

Boy, this is gonna be selfish. Brace yourself.

I did not incur a massive student loan debt to please other people. Crazy, but true. I knew exactly what I was doing. I started out seeking a degree in elementary education when I mentioned to my husband about one semester in, "You know, I really don't want to do this psycho-questioning-how-a-state-thinks-you-ought-to-teach madness for four years."

"So do what you love," the man of the house answered back.

"I love to teach."  "So what do you love to teach?"  "History."  "So teach history."

I listened. I prayed. End of my life-changing discussion.

Off toward a history degree I went. That diploma now hangs on my wall. A job (in that field) is yet to be found.

How can that be?

How can I have such a burning desire to teach history, to talk about history, to do anything that has to do with history, and still be sitting here bemoaning the fact that as of right now, that diploma is absolutely useless to me?

Well, unless you count the fact that it was a MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT...

Anyway.

I am frustrated.

But I'm still proud.

I have mentioned before (on this blog) that graduating college is on my list of  25 Things To Do Before I Die. Apparently I should have added a number twenty-six: Gain employment that actually uses said degree.

I'm somewhat sorry you've been subjected to this ramble, especially if you were looking for something uplifting or comical. You might want to check out some of the other blogs listed on my page for content a little less me-related.

Lord, can I move back home yet? Just take me back ten years and let's go at this thing from another angle.

Seriously.

I am so not getting this plan of Yours.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, says the Lord.*

And there He goes again, reminding me of whose life this is anyhow.

Not mine. All His. Wait I will. I love when it He talks me out of my whining.

(Just please don't let Kansas make it to the Final Four. Please?)

And Amen.

*Isaiah 55:8-9

My Memories Ran Away

I am still on the search for that blasted wedding album. I mean really... how many people out there misplace a white, satin photo album covered with lace and ribbons? When I couldn't find it last year, I chuckled to myself and moved on. Now that I still can't find it this year, my funky memory glitch is not-so-funny.

Where would I have put it?

Not in the cedar chest. I distinctly remember removing it from that cedar chest for the sole reason that I wanted easier access to those pictures. Just to be certain, however, I have looked in that chest two times in the last couple of weeks. The only thing I've gained from those fruitless searches is happy memories and unfolded laundry.

I looked under the bed. I don't know why I would have put it there, but under the guise of easier access, it seemed like a logical place to look (my under-the-bed is pretty sparse, in case you're wondering; you can easily see what is under there, dust bunnies and all). And speaking of dust bunnies, that is the only thing I found.

Night stand? No.

Closet? Not from what I can tell (and that should tell you why the under-the-bed is clean... it's all in the closet). I've checked the floor. I've semi went through the shelves. The daughter seems certain that's where it'll be. She could be right, but boy.... if it's there, I don't know where. Like I said, the thing is big and white and dripping with ribbons. It oughta stand out. I'm gonna conduct a more in-depth look tomorrow night. 

Because after that, I'm out of ideas.

And I'd really like to find it. Wednesday is the BIG day. Subjecting the family to the wedding video is not enough. They need to fully experience the wedding album one more time, not to mention listen to the stories that go with each picture. There's nothing I like better than a captive audience.

Unless someone in that captive audience figured out how to avoid the mom-forced memory hour.

Maybe I should look under their beds.

Brothers

Of the canine kind.

A picture of my weekend. =)

Dear Mom,

I am writing this a day early for two reasons:

1). The house is quiet at the moment, and
2). I don't know if it will be this quiet tomorrow.

If I haven't told you enough already, I really, really love you. If I haven't said thank you quite as often as I should, thank you, thank you, thank you. And, because I know it's been a few days since I probably told you this, I miss you.

Tomorrow is your birthday and I never did get that card in the mail. I know you'll say that I come by that honest, but still... I don't know why I put things like that off. I looked online to send you flowers yesterday, and yet everything I looked at just didn't add up to what I would want you to see or know or... something. I can't quite put it into words, but even the most beautiful and expensive bouquets were severely lacking what I would want to express. Besides, you would just tell me I shouldn't have spent my money and probably would've mailed me a check. That's just the way you are.

I'm learning alot of things here lately. Just when I thought I had this whole motherhood-thing figured out, life throws a new curve at me. I can feel that oldest of mine slipping away. I think I told you it was like he is "inching away, a little at a time." I suppose only a mother can understand how much that tears at the heart. I know I understand a little more of what you must have went through all those years back. First with my brother. Then with me. I'm glad to see him independent and happy and ready to tackle life on his own, and yet... yet, I wish he could still be a little boy if only for a short while. What am I gonna do when it becomes the next one's turn and then the next?

I will call you.

I will call you and tell you how happy I am that they are happy and how nice it will be to have that extra room in the house and most likely ramble on the way I am rambling now, but inside we will both know the same thing: Life as I knew it will never be the same.

Except for one thing,

If those kids will think of me the way I think of you now, then I am in for one of the greatest rewards life has to offer. I don't just love you, I admire you. If I can give you no other gift on your birthday, I can at least let you know that. You are one of the strongest women I know. I think of you as my best friend. These miles that separate us only served to prove the one thing that I know for sure:

I am nothing without the presence of my mother in my life.

Happy Birthday, Mom, a whole day early.

And P.S.

You really do have a gift in the works. I just get a little behind on things. I think I get that from you. =)